The Salad Incident

My kids had dinner at a friend's house recently, during which she served a delicious-looking meal of homemade pizza and salad. But when it came time to dole out the salad, both of my kids took pizza and declined the salad. "Don't you want some salad?" she asked.

"No, thanks," they both replied politely.

Then she looked over at me and said, "Your kids don't eat salad?"

Feeling judged aside, I have to confess that it's true: My kids don't eat salad. It's not for a lack of trying on my part, though. I've offered tastes. I've put it on their plates. I've asked them to help make it. I've asked them to serve themselves from a big, tempting bowl.

Nothing.

It's not an example thing, either. My husband eats a big salad before dinner just about every night and I eat it pretty regularly, too. But neither child will eat it -- something my friend couldn't understand as she offered up a Caesar salad slathered in dressing.

I suppose the dressing thing could be my fault. I like my salad naked, or even better with some fresh-squeezed lemon juice. Still, I took her good-natured chiding about how my freakish children won't eat salad.

But the incident begs a question I often ponder: Who decides what goes in a child's mouth? On most nights, I try to serve a variety of healthy foods, including something I know that each child likes. But as for what each kid eats? Well, that's up to them. I've got some bad memories of being forced to eat food that really repulsed me. To this day, I feel a wave of terror at the sight of broiled pork chops. And I'm sure there are many former members of the Clean Plate Club out there.

I can encourage and cajole and plead and beg my kids to eat certain foods, but if they won't, that's the end of it for me. I'll keep trying and in time, I hope they'll both become more adventurous with the foods I put in front of them. But to force foods on them?

To me, that's a recipe for disaster.

How do other parents out there handle kids' food choices? And if you're not a parent, what do you remember about your parents' influence on your food choices?

Comments

[MizFit]

all perspective huh? all I saw was that they said THANKS.

seriously.
the rest I just try my best and let it go (and, yes, die a little inside when those situations occur)

M.

[Allison]

You can't (or at least I don't) force them to eat anything. My son is 7 and loves fresh vegetables. He eats tons, but he pretty doesn't eat meat (or eggs), just baked chicken nuggets. I always put some meat on his plate, but I am not going to force him to eat it. He eats peanut butter and cheese and lots of fruits, vegetables, milk and BREAD! With both my kids I give them a plate of healthy food. I won't give them more bread (or crackers or pasta) until they have eaten the fruits and vegetables (this is really more for my daughter). You can just give them healthy choices and let them decide for themselves. Ahh, this makes me want to scream, never force your kids to eat anything!!

[Sagan]

I think you've got the right idea in not forcing them to eat it.

When I was younger, I was ridiculously picky. I was told to sit at the table until I was done eating my whole dinner, which could honestly be hours into the evening.

But that was when I was quite young, and I really did need those nutrients. At the age that your children are now, its definitely best to leave it up to their own choice. And just because they don't like salads doesn't mean they can't get veggies other ways, right? In sandwiches, soups, spaghetti sauce etc.

I really like your views on this- it sounds like you're raising your kids with just the right amount of encouragement while still allowing them breathing space!

[Kara from Mama Sweat]

OK, confession here. I do a little bit of forcing. But only with vegetables. We get a basket of fresh veggies each week from a nearby farm and dammit, the kids are going to try them. My rule from the time they began rejecting food based on looks was "You have to try it. You don't have to eat it, but you have to try one bite." That worked for awhile, but then I wondered, what good is one bite doing for their growing bodies? So now, when they say "I don't like it." I say, "Your mouth may not like it but your body does. Sometimes we have to give our body what it needs even though we don't love the way it tastes." I do believe some foods are an acquired taste. I never liked eggplant, but I kept an open mind and kept trying it and once I got one fresh eggplant from our little farm... oh heaven! Last night I roasted beets. My girls protested. But, they ate them. And then they decided they weren't so bad. Maybe it's not force, but I play up that health card pretty well. They know being healthy is a good thing. Still, I've never managed to succeed with Brussels Sprouts.

[Alice]

Oh, this is a tough one. I too, as a former member of the "clean your plate!" club have developped major food dislikes. I'm talking to you lentils!
With my two boys, one is a complete success, the other one a total disaster. Antonin, my 10 year old will eat salads, veggies, fruits, sushi... I mean he even reads food labels! Jonny, my 6 year old survived on mac and cheese for 2 years, will not touch a veggie with a 10 foot pole and has now grown into a freakish red meat eater...
I keep trying... he now eats fruits, which is good. I always make him have several bites of whatever we are having, even if it means I have to put up with the threat of his throwing up with each spoonful. I also make him eat a healthy food before he gets the junk:
"You an have a cookie, once you have eaten an apple."
We shall see as time goes by... some people are just picky eaters forever.
I personally never outgrew my super strong dislike of meat...

[elissa]

i'm not a parent, but i remember my eating habits when i was a kid... i was really picky, ridiculously so, and didn't eat salads until i was in college. i always loved fruit, though, so i think that's why my parents didn't push food. if i didn't like something my mom made (i still don't like bamboo shoots, which she sticks in many of her homemade japanese dishes.. i sound ungrateful, i know) i would make myself a peanut butter and banana sandwich, or i'd eat around the stuff i didn't like (just eat green beans and chicken bits from the sukiyaki, for example).

honestly, if i didn't have such a weak stomach and if i weren't so concerned about my physical appearance, i would probably have continued eating in that fashion... lots of refined carbohydrates and candy and so on. but since my stomach rebels if i eat too much unhealthy stuff, i've learned to eat better. salads make me feel way better. i'm not sure what role my parents had to play in the way that i eat. it's hard of hard to tell.

[Dara Chadwick]

Interesting comments, everyone. Thanks for the food for thought (no pun intended!). I was a really picky childhood eater and I still sort of am, but with good coaching, I've learned to create a healthy diet of foods I like. Interestingly, I still hate most of the foods I hated in childhood.

Kara, I do try to enfore a "one bite" rule because you can't always judge a food on looks alone. But if someone is really repulsed by the sight of something (such as Caesar salad dressing, for example), I let it go.

I do insist on a daily multivitamin, though.

[Alyssa]

My kids are quite picky, and they have the added joy of textural sensitivity due to their Autism. That said, my son LOVES salad!!!! They both eat a lot of fruit, and my daughter is more amenable to eating a variety of veggies.
The two cookbooks i like are "The Sneaky Chef" and "Deceptively Delicious." They have recipes that sneak veggies and fruits into recipes, so texture isn't an issue.

[Therapeutic Ramblings]

There is definitely a balance between "forcing" and providing variety. If a child feels coerced, it probably isn't going to end well. I figure if a person can provide some variety to their family, and they can offer a balance meal plan...what the people decide to choose matters less. If your kids don't like salad, but they liked steamed veggies....no worries. If they don't eat ANY veggies, that could be a nutritional concern.