I'll Keep My Clothes On, Thanks

I'm all for doing just about anything that helps girls (and women, for that matter) feel better about their bodies. My 12-year-old and I spend a lot of time talking about what's beautiful, what's healthy and how the media helps shape the ideal to which many of us compare ourselves. She watched me go through the entire Weight-Loss Diary experience with Shape magazine and because of that, she and I have a very open, continuing dialogue about our bodies and our body images. In fact, I can't think of anything we don't talk about.

In general, I'm a pretty hip, easy-to-talk-to kind of mom; I'd always rather that my kids get their information from me than from their friends or other assorted questionable sources. But even I blushed at Harriette Cole's recent advice to address body image issues with my daughter by standing "in front of a mirror with her, both of you naked, and look at your bodies. Be honest and tell her what you like and don't like about your body."

I'm guessing Harriette hasn't spent a whole lot of time with a 12-year-old lately.

If I said to my kid, "OK honey, we're going to get naked now and look at our bodies," she'd probably run screaming from the house.

I'm not ashamed of my body; if she walks in on me while I'm changing, there's no rush to cover up. But going out of my way to create such a situation? I don't think so. And don't even get me started on pointing out my dislikes to her. At 12, she doesn't need to be deliberately introduced to what I perceive as my "body flaws."

Although I think Harriette missed the mark with that bit of advice, I wholeheartedly agree with her encouragement to "emphasize fitness for both of you." Every time I walk a mile, lift a weight or eat a healthy meal in front of my daughter, I'm setting a powerful example that requires no accompanying words.

It's not always easy to talk about how we feel about our bodies with our daughters -- especially if we want them to feel good about their own. But keeping our words and behavior toward our bodies positive will go a long way toward boosting our girls' self-confidence...much further than pointing out our flaws ever will.

Comments

[Sagan]

Sounds like you're doing a great job with your daughter without the potential awkwardness of both of you stripping down! That kind of thing DOES seem a little forced. However, I also think that getting naked is one of the best ways to become comfortable with your body. Which is why I think that Europeans seem to have a lot less body image issues, because of their nude beaches. Strange as it sounds, if you get the chance to take your daughter to a nude beach, I'd recommend it- seeing everyone of all shapes and sizes there who aren't caring about how they look or how other people look is really wonderful.

[Alyssa]

When I was 16 my family took a trip to the South of France, and there were topless beaches everywhere. By the time I got home, I was so used to it that when my friends saw topless women in my photos, they'd freak, and I'd think "Oh, right. We don't do that here."
I agree that standing naked in front of a mirror with a 12 year-old can be cringe-worthy. But it's the idea of pointing out all your "flaws" that gets to me. This is what teenage girls do, often right before they go into the bathroom en masse to vomit up lunch.

[Roxanne]

I don't know about the naked part. Personally, I think a swimsuit or even shorts are fine, but I'd argue against telling her what you don't like about your body. I'd rather she hear what you do like about it.

[MizFit]

Im chiming in both on the BEYOND AWKWARD and contrivedforced and the, if you do decide to try it (not you. ONE let's say one) to SKIP what you dont like.
whats the point in that?!

Im 39 and cringe just thinking about doing that at 12 with my own mom.

(hell she's coming to visit tomorrow and Id cringe about it NOW were she to suggest it :))

[Dara Chadwick]

Yes, yes, yes! It's not the nudity I took issue with (and, Sagan and Alyssa, I think your point about nude beaches and other opportunities to see real women's bodies is a good one). It's the "pointing out the flaws" bit. Given that I just finished writing an entire book on that subject, my feelings on this are rather strong.