Fit In Real Life

You Look Better Than You Think!

It's Friday, and I've got great news: You look much better than you think you do!

Now, I know what you're thinking: It's the end of the week, I'm exhausted and I just want to collapse on my couch. But please, hear me out.

Yesterday, I came across a story from the U.K. Daily Mail about a new book, The Beauty Prescription: The Complete Formula For Looking and Feeling Beautiful, by two doctors. Ever intrigued, I read about the authors' "prescription," fully expecting to hear a lot of same-old, same-old advice. Truthfully, there was a lot of same-old, same-old advice about good nutrition, good sleep habits, exercise, hair, make-up, etc. But I also found myself nodding in agreement with a lot of what the story said, especially this, "Your physical attributes are only part of what makes you attractive."

We've all seen her -- a woman who, by all standard measures of what's culturally considered beautiful, shouldn't really captivate us, but does so anyway. There's an elusive quality about her, and it's one that can't be measured by a scale, a clothing size or even a mirror.

It's called personality.

According to the authors of this new book, research shows that other people see you as 20 percent more attractive than you think you are. Why? Because you're looking only at your physical self (and probably picking apart your "flaws," too). They're seeing the whole package -- your warmth, your great laugh, your caring nature, etc. It's an entirely different perspective.

Perspective is a huge part of body image. Case in point: At 15, I can remember complaining to my mother about my "huge" thighs. "Look at them," I told her through tears. "They only look big to you because you're looking down at them," she said. "Stand up and look in the mirror." I did, and she was right. They no longer looked so enormous.

Perspective.

There's a full-length mirror in my downstairs bathroom that my friend, Julia, calls the "magic" mirror. "I love that mirror," she tells me. "I look so tall in it."  She's right; I don't know if it's tilted slightly or what, but I look really good in that mirror, too. So whenever I leave the house, that's the mirror I use for a final glance at myself. It's like a shot of confidence before I head out for the day. I feel better, and I'm sure I act differently because of that.

Silly? For sure. But it's all about perspective, isn't it?

Ever had a "light bulb" moment that shifted your body image perspective? I'd love to hear about it!

It's Like He Heard Me...

I don't mean to go on and on about the same topic, but this is just too weird not to mention. If you read my recent post about my children's aversion to salad, you know that my picky-eater son turns up his nose at just about everything. So I was expecting more of the same last night when I served a dinner of mashed potatoes (He doesn't like those), steak (He'll occasionally eat a piece), corn (What kid doesn't like corn? Mine!) and a mixture of grilled red peppers, green peppers, onions and mushrooms. There's really just one word to describe my reaction when he sat down and started eating corn and potatoes: Shock!

This, my friends, is what I'd call major progress. I almost fell off my chair when he said, "This is good steak, Mom."

My don't-force strategy has been simple: Put a little of everything on his plate, then ignore his reaction to it. So in keeping with that strategy, I replied casually, "Oh, I'm glad you like it." I tried not to let my face betray my joy when I made eye contact with my husband.

It's thrilling to watch my son branch out and try something new. Maybe he's getting older and wants to prove me wrong. Maybe he's finally getting sick of eating the same three food items and longs for a new taste. Doesn't matter...I'll take my successes any way I can get them.

Maybe next time he'll try the peppers.

Stressed Man Walking!

When my husband reported -- yet again -- that he wanted to start exercising a couple of weeks ago, I did what any self-respecting wife who's heard it all before would do...I nodded, smiled and said, "Mmm hmm."

It's not that I didn't believe him, of course. It's just that, well, he often starts off with good health intentions, but isn't always the greatest at following through (I'm not picking on him -- I have my faults, too!). He's also got a demanding, stressful job and not a lot of free time. So I'm thrilled to report that for the past two weeks, he's walked every single day but one.

The secret to his success? Me!

OK, I can't take all the credit. But I've been going with him and it's been really nice. It's a bonus workout for me -- never a bad thing -- and it's also been a great time for us to talk about our days and our lives...a workout and a little marital bonding.

But back to me taking credit...

I like to think I've been an example of the power of exercise, both during my year with Shape and in the time since my column ended. I also like to think that by making time for our walk and showing our kids that it's time we enjoy together, we're teaching them that exercise doesn't have to be all about sweat and pain and going to the gym. They're also witnessing the power of exercise -- in just two weeks, he's got more stamina, he feels better, he's dropped a bit of weight and he says he's feeling much less stressed.

Our role-modeling seems to be working. Just last night, my 10-year-old asked, "Are we walking tonight?" Sometimes, we all go, sometimes just my husband and I go. But I love that as stressed out and busy as we can be, our nightly walk is becoming a welcome part of the family routine.

The Salad Incident

My kids had dinner at a friend's house recently, during which she served a delicious-looking meal of homemade pizza and salad. But when it came time to dole out the salad, both of my kids took pizza and declined the salad. "Don't you want some salad?" she asked.

"No, thanks," they both replied politely.

Then she looked over at me and said, "Your kids don't eat salad?"

Feeling judged aside, I have to confess that it's true: My kids don't eat salad. It's not for a lack of trying on my part, though. I've offered tastes. I've put it on their plates. I've asked them to help make it. I've asked them to serve themselves from a big, tempting bowl.

Nothing.

It's not an example thing, either. My husband eats a big salad before dinner just about every night and I eat it pretty regularly, too. But neither child will eat it -- something my friend couldn't understand as she offered up a Caesar salad slathered in dressing.

I suppose the dressing thing could be my fault. I like my salad naked, or even better with some fresh-squeezed lemon juice. Still, I took her good-natured chiding about how my freakish children won't eat salad.

But the incident begs a question I often ponder: Who decides what goes in a child's mouth? On most nights, I try to serve a variety of healthy foods, including something I know that each child likes. But as for what each kid eats? Well, that's up to them. I've got some bad memories of being forced to eat food that really repulsed me. To this day, I feel a wave of terror at the sight of broiled pork chops. And I'm sure there are many former members of the Clean Plate Club out there.

I can encourage and cajole and plead and beg my kids to eat certain foods, but if they won't, that's the end of it for me. I'll keep trying and in time, I hope they'll both become more adventurous with the foods I put in front of them. But to force foods on them?

To me, that's a recipe for disaster.

How do other parents out there handle kids' food choices? And if you're not a parent, what do you remember about your parents' influence on your food choices?

Birds of A Feather Flock Together

When I want to reflect on just how much -- and how quickly -- my children have grown, I usually flip through a photo album, pop in an old videotape or compare a growth line on the wall. But there's another way to measure just how much your kids have changed from last year to this one. It's called back-to-school shopping.

I'm not talking just about physical size -- you can also see changes in what they're concerned about.

Over the years, factors like color, sparkly-ness (is that even a word?), characters and other attributes have dictated clothing choices. Now, heading into junior high school, my daughter is all about fit. She wants her jeans to fit a certain way. She wants her shirts to have a certain look. She's got a picture in her mind of exactly how she wants to look and shopping has become an exhaustive search for the "right" clothes to get that look.

Sigh...I remember those days.

Specifically, I remember those days as the first time I was confronted with the limitations of my own body. You know what I mean. At five feet tall, I could wear a certain style of jeans, but they'd never look the way they do on a girl who's much taller. It was a frustrating and, at times, heartbreaking lesson in learning to accept myself.

That's a hard lesson at 13.

Adolescent girls are all about fitting in with their peer group. In fact, this study from the Children's National Medical Center in Washington, DC, and the University of Miami found that peer groups have a huge impact on how teenage girls feel about -- and try to control -- their bodies. According to the study, athletic girls tend to be the least concerned with their weight, while girls who don't belong to any particular peer group were the most likely to be trying to lose weight. Beyond the health benefits, that's all the more reason to encourage my daughter to stay active -- and to hang out with other girls who are active, too. The more time you spend appreciating what your body can do, whether it's running faster, jumping higher or kicking harder, the less time you'll want to spend picking yourself apart in front of a mirror.

Inspiring Evolution

I'm a magazine writer, which makes me a) curious by nature (some might even say nosy) and b) interested in what people like to read about. That's why I was captivated by this conversation about women's magazines over at Feministing, which examines magazines like More, O, Bitch, Bust and Real Simple. It's interesting food for thought about the purpose of magazines -- to inform, inspire and entertain.

The "inspire" part is where those of us who care passionately about body image run into trouble. When it comes to media images of women, there are two schools of thought. There's the group that wants to see a reflection of real women and their lives; in other words, photographs of average-sized women wearing affordable clothes and do-able hair and make-up -- the kind of women you'd see in your workplace, in yoga class or walking down the street. There's a whole other group, however, that wants to be inspired in a different way by the images they see. Those are the readers who appreciate images reflecting women of body types that they'd like to have, wearing clothing that they'd like to be able to afford.

The discussion also pondered whether, ahem, older women like to look at beauty and fashion pieces. One commenter noted, "At a certain point, we're over it." That reminds me of a conversation I had about body acceptance just the other day with a gorgeous friend in her early 50s, who told me, "Once I hit 50, I just didn't care what other people thought of me anymore. I think I look great."

How's that for inspiration?

Body image evolves over time and with that evolution comes a new way of thinking about beauty. I suspect that's what the Feministing commenter meant. I know where I am in my body image evolution and I like it here.

Where are you in yours? And what inspires you to move toward accepting your body, just as it is?

I'm So Hot!

I am so hot...and I don't even mean that in a good way (I bet you thought this was going to be a body love post). It's going to be 95 degrees here today -- again! -- and the mere thought of working out is making me sweat. But it's got to be done; after a rough patch last week, I've been working hard to get myself back on track, doing strength-training workouts, morning cardio and an evening walk with the family when it's most cool outside. I can already feel the difference in my mood and attitude; my mind and body are so used to exercise now that I really feel off when I don't get a workout.

Theoretically, I suppose sweating more shouldn't be an issue when you're already sweating, right? But I find these hot weather workouts even more of a motivational challenge than my icy winter walks with my buddy, Julia. At least with those, I can just keep layering on the clothing until I feel some semblance of warmth. You can only strip down so much before the police arrest you on a public indecency charge.

But I'll forge ahead. As soon as I'm done writing this post, I'm going to do a quick cardio workout. Although it's painful to the body, I think a shorter, more intense workout with intervals is the way to go on a hot day, simply because it's over more quickly. There's no need to drag out the semi-torture with a longer, more moderate pace. If I'm going to do this, I may as well go all out.

Planning, Schmanning

In general, I'm a huge fan of planning -- everything from healthy meals and snacks to when I'll work out to when I'll get my work done. Questionable food choices made "in the moment" are one of the biggest healthy-eating obstacles we face as a family. After all, when you're tired and hungry and it's hot outside, who feels like thinking a healthy meal through?

I was never one of those really organized moms; you've seen them at the playground, with their perfectly-portioned healthy snacks, water, juice, extra sunscreen, hats, full first-aid kits, educational flashcards -- you know the drill. Though I like the idea of planning, actually doing it consistently tends to be a bit challenging for me. Still, a few minutes of forethought can save not only your arteries, but your money, too.

That was the case yesterday when the kids and I decided on an impromptu trip to an aquarium about an hour away. Normally, I'd just plan to get something (and by something, I mean the usual greasy kid fare: chicken fingers and fries) at the on-site restaurant, but I decided to try something different. I asked my daughter to whip up a few sandwiches while I took the dog for a walk and when I got back, she'd made peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches for the road. It worked out perfectly: About mid-way through our time at the aquarium, we went out to the car, spread a blanket in a shady spot and ate our lunches away from the noise and crowd. I was quite pleased with the whole adventure -- not only did we avoid the afternoon lethargy that follows a gross fried meal, I also came home with money in my wallet. Bonus!

But I have to give a shout-out to non-planning, too. During a recent Saturday night trip to the movies, we were running so late that we didn't have time to hit the concession stand before the movie and guess what? We made it through the whole movie with nary a drink or snack and nobody felt deprived. "Wow, Mom," my daughter said. "Once the movie started, I didn't even want anything."

That led into a spirited discussion of Pavlov and his dog experiment...but that's a post for another day.

No More Mirror Avoidance

If you've ever been in a dance studio, you know there's no hiding from the wall of mirrors. It was one of the things I hated most in my awkward adolescence. I'd spend hours in class trying to focus only on my own eyes as I went through isolations. Not only did that keep me from having to confront my own less-than-perfect body parts, I could also avoid comparing myself to the other -- usually taller and thinner -- dancers in the room.

Last night, I actually watched myself dance...and I had a blast.

Let me set the stage for you: There were just three of us in class -- me, a high school student and an adorable girl who looked like she couldn't be a day over 21. As we started isolations, I looked up in the mirror and saw that I was easily holding my own with the rest of the group -- and I wasn't looking half-bad, either. It also suddenly occurred to me that the high school student was just a few years older than my daughter.

Gulp.

As we moved through the sequence, the instructor kept reminding us to "keep our abs tight." I looked up and realized that every time she said it, she was looking at me. "Honey," I wanted to say. "After two c-sections, this is as tight as it gets."

But I didn't. I just giggled to myself. And I realized what's different about the way I treat my body at 40 from the way I treated it at 15. It's called acceptance. And forgiveness...mixed in with a large dose of humor. Because really, does my post-baby sag matter at all? All that matters -- cue sappy Lee Ann Womack song here -- is that I got out there and danced.

Getting Kids to Eat Right

When I overhauled my own eating habits last year during my Shape column, my family's reaction ranged from polite support to downright mutiny; in fact, the words "kicking and screaming" come to mind. See, they were OK with me changing, but I'll admit I didn't always have much success with getting them to come along. Although neither of my children has a weight problem, I'd love to get them on a better nutritional track -- and set them up for a healthy adulthood -- as they head into their teen years. But as any mom knows, getting your kids to do what's good for them is about as easy as herding cats.

Talking to kids about nutrition can also be a slippery slope emotionally. What kid wouldn't hear, "My mom thinks I'm fat," if mom suddenly started talking about the importance of balancing food calories with calories expended? I used to think those moms who fed their babies only organic and never let sugar pass their lips were, ahem, a bit overzealous, but I'm starting to see the point. When good habits begin in infancy, there's no painful overhauling to be done later.

We've made many changes that I picked up while writing the Weight-Loss Diary column: We eat much more lean protein and vegetables than ever before, and all of us are absolutely more thoughtful about what and how much we put in our mouths. But, like a cold that we all pass to each other and can't seem to shake, bad food habits have a way of rearing up on a regular basis.

As a health writer, I often get copies of new books and I've just finished devouring (pun intended!) Fat Families, Thin Families: How To Save Your Family From the Obesity Trap by Amy Hendel, R-PA, a family lifestyle therapist and iVillage coach. Though I'm not a fan of the judgment implied in the title, it's loaded with great information about nutrition and exercise, including a practical, how-to guide for creating a realistic nutritional plan for your family.

Practical information aside, what I liked best about this book was simply this: Hendel gets it. She knows how hard it can be to convince kids to do the healthy thing and she offers lots of tips and recipes to do just that. Each chapter includes specific tips for getting kids and teens to buy into the healthy changes you're trying to make.

There's no guarantee it'll work, of course. Kids have this annoying habit of making their own choices. But there's good information here and as we all know, even a few healthy changes can have big results.

Hendel addresses the emotional side of healthy changes, too. There's a great chapter on supporting each other and another on emotional eating. What I liked most, however, was that through it all, Hendel reminds us that as parents, our kids look to us to set the tone and serve as an example. As always, what we say about and do to our own bodies has a lasting effect on how they treat their bodies.

Check out Fat Families, Thin Families here.